Bachelor Frock Watch: The House of Horrors Continues

1 Sep

Ok, so it’s not quite as violating as last night, but there’s still a LOT of fug in here that should have stayed on the drawing board and away from whichever basement of underpaid seamstresses they were rapidly spat out of.

Nikki

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This is the closest to BOXED CLARET  a fabric can get and Nikki wears it almost as well as a foil bag. One of Nikki’s best looks with the exception of the cadaverous face powder.

Olena

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Mother of crap they really have a thing for jumpsuits this season don’t they.  On a scale of Loveable to Death I give this a solid Pffft –  which incidentally would have jumped to a Decent had that simpering little cape-let been tossed into the nearest shredder.

Rachael

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I feel like I’ve seen this on an Oscars Worst Dressed List back in the 80s.  Although I approve of her muscled calf, the colour is weirdly not her friend and if those really are pigtails I will soil myself.

Stef

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All things considered this is probably the best Stef has looked in the face since the night she broke into the Bach cow paddock and started mooing at the bull.  The problem, of course, lies in the neckbrace/dislocated leg combo which, unless I’m mistaken, was the result of a gymnastic bone-cruncher at the Rio Olympics.

Alex AKA Nomi Malone

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Oh lovers, finally proof that Wardrobe are fans of the Greatest Movie of All Time:  Showgirls!

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Spot the difference

Happily I see both Crystal Connors AND Nomi Malone in this outfit and and while it’s a few feet too long and lacks the thigh-high stilettos to stab in the face of a rapist, I still think this is a look Alex should adopt – particularly at school drop-offs.

On a seriously shitty note, that little fucker from Stanford who hears YES! from the bodies  of unconscious women is getting out next week and how sad it is that Nomi is no longer on the beat to deliver one of these:

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Take that Brock Turner you raping piece of gutless trash.

Faith

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This, lovers, is the very definition of Brave Face.  And here, coincidentally, is my face when I realised what they’d put her in.  Again.

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The one positive I can offer is the length, and that’s small comfort against a frock that is essentially a three-quarter tattoo sleeve with a bodice that doesn’t understand boobs.

Anyhoo although we usually stick to the Rose Ceremony frocks, tonight a Special Mention just HAS to go to what Faith wore on her second Single with the Richelor:

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Faith, we don’t know if you’re out there and we don’t know if this was your outfit or if it was yet another abomination forced on you by the Unholy of Wardrobe.  What we do know is that this thing, whatever it is, needs to be nuked from orbit.  Immediately.  I mean, it’s the only way to be sure.

Oh lovers, we’ll be down to only five frocks next week!  Let’s hope we get some good material during Hometowns.

xo Flawless

 

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