Morning, lovers. Let’s Frock Watch until we’re blue in the face and gasping for a boxed claret!
Without question the STONE FOX of the night. This colour does amazing things for our Rach and it was no wonder the Rich was gushing all over her like a busted fire hydrant. Sexy woman to the power of INFINITY!
On the one hand this is safer than a five-point car seat in a Hummer, however credit must be given to the understated fake tan and red lip and nail combo. Rico gives this a solid 8 roots out of 10.
I’ve never been a fan of lace tubing and this frock does nothing to change that. Miracle she could walk in this, let alone climb into the back of a taxi.
Calamine Lotion is now a colour, lovers, get used to it. This is hideous and I don’t know how Wardrobe did it but they succeeded in making Olena look boxy. Rico reckons Olena’s only option was to slop Butter Chicken down her front and beg for a replacement.
This is not a dress, this is a singlet with half a curtain stapled to the bottom. If she didn’t spend all night yanking this down the Dog will eat his Captain’s hat.
Again, this is not a dress but a brightly coloured support for a shoulder injury. Have we seen Nikki in something flowy yet? I’d love to see her in something flowy.
Draped in chicken skin is as good a way as any to say goodbye to your once potential husband. Poor Noni had few prayers at the start, but lost her last when her throat refused hospitality to a single oyster.
Nikki Webster (Sarah)
Reminding us that she once got her mixed platter out for the cover of Playboy, here’s la Webster giving us some cranberry kisses and a decent portion of leg. I approve the matchy matchy lipstick and nude shoes.
Ah the old tomato-red lace tube with a propensity for choking its victims. I hate this and I weep for Faith who is gorgeous and lovely and yet has somehow offended Wardrobe so grievously they live for nothing other than shoe-horning her into one horror after another.
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Remember when Alex was the one getting all the drapey glam and the Camilla? And yet here she is just a top-hat and cane away from slutty ringmaster. Special mention to the top that looks like an unimpressed face emoticon.
That’s the frocks, lovers. Stay tuned tonight for more. MOOOOOORE!