Amber Heard to Divorce Johnny Depp’s Teeth

26 May

Amber Heard, Johnny Depp

In news that has sent shock waves through the world’s illegally smuggled Yorkie community, Amber Heard has filed for divorce from her superstar husband of four years,  Johnny Depp.

Citing ‘irreconcilable differences’, rumors abound that Heard became tired of Depp waving his bangles around the late night TV chat circuit, mocking the looks of Australian politicians and failing to detect the irony.

‘It wasn’t irreconcilable, it was his teeth!’ claims an unnamed source.  ‘Amber married him before he had a mouthful of red Tic-Tacs and expected him to stay that way.’

The couple wed in 2012 without signing a prenuptial agreement and speculation is now rampant that Depp’s alleged 550 million dollar fortune will be fought over like the one clean porta-loo at Coachella.

‘It’s not that she wants his money,’ says the source ‘but there’s a side of her that’s angry about all the times he said he was going to the dentist and instead came back with another fucking scarf.’

Heard filed the papers only weeks after the couple starred in their own Australian infomercial in which they gushed about the country’s natural beauty and cautioned anyone against thinking an Australia with rabies would be an improvement.

‘Amber really, really didn’t want to film that video’ says the source.  ‘She also didn’t want to be married to someone who brushes his teeth with gravy, but what can you do?’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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