In news that has Rico screaming ‘I knew it!’, rumours have broken that jilted Sam Frost was not first choice for The Bachelorette and that producers actually had their hearts set on MKR’s favourite mining town minx, Shaz.
‘We wanted someone dead-sexy’ a source close to the production team claims. ‘We thought about Anita but she’s madder than a rabies sandwich.’
Since the end of The Bachelor last year, speculation has been rife over which lucky lady would take up the red rose and speed date their way to potential shame and humiliation in the media.
‘Sam was the obvious bet’ continues the source. ‘She was unfairly dumped for a pear-shaped woman and she got her tits out in Maxim. But then she had to go and say ‘jackass’ on the telly when everyone knew she wanted to say ‘cunt’. He was a cunt. Shaz would have said cunt!’
According to the source, Shaz was first noticed by producers after appearing in Instant Restaurant ‘Stacks’ with fellow competitor Jac in My Kitchen Rules.
‘We’d had a long day crank-calling Amber and asking to speak to her ‘boyfriend” explains the source. ‘Then this chick comes on TV and it was literally one of those light bulb moments where you go to change it but it’s been on for hours and you burn your hand and the glass shatters and you get glass in your dick!’
What followed was producers getting on a plane to Mount Isa to find out if Shaz was single or married to an mono-syllabic miner with significant personal hygiene issues.
‘There was this guy at her flat wearing a half-bra who gave us a bit of a scare’ says the source. ‘Turns out he was just the cleaner who was too drunk to find his way back to his wife.’
Sadly for Channel 10, however, Shaz had no desire to take charge of the iconic red rose.
‘She thought we were shit at picking blokes’ says the source. ‘She said that Tim was alright for someone with bleached teeth and no socks – but that Blake was creepy and waking up next to him would be like waking up next to your father in an edible thong.
‘In the end we went with Sam because she’s not exactly choosy and most of her suitors are disgruntled Bunnings employees. Plus bitterness gets the ratings and she’s guaranteed to spend half her dates holding up tiny things and comparing them favourably to Blake’s penis.’