Well well. And here was Rico thinking that the English were only good at serving up ugly teeth. Oh Will and Steve – you have outdone even our demented imaginations!
Welcome to Tuesday, lovers – or as we believe it shall now be called: The Day Emma Stabs her Adam Voodoo Doll so Hard it’s Tiny Penis Flies off and Hits Jane in the Eye!
You know, watching last night’s show it was easy to imagine that tonight would be the night the two boys most desirous of sexy Fergus’ affections, Steve and Drasko, would finally be pitted against each other. Steve because he mistook the brief of ‘canape’ for ‘compost’, and Drasko because he and Bianca served up a mushroom nibbly so messy that even the fine motor skilled and sober came across like David Hasselhoff.
Will and Steve’s offering was also an exercise in how-the-fuck-do-I-eat-this? but the funny thing was that even when it was sitting on the plate looking like a dumpster burger, they were just so darned happy with it. Which has Rico wondering whether one of the farmers whispered ‘we love dirty trash’ in their ears and whether that same farmer was later identified as Annie.
Anyhoo, narrowly beating Drasko and Bianca to the coveted position of ‘also fucked’ were Carol and Adam, whose Dopey Debbie ‘fresh produce’ offering was an interpretation of a prawn cocktail because apparently prawns are just leaping out of the goddamned ground.
And if that wasn’t enough, they spent the whole time yapping on about Adam’s signature wasabi/avocado dressing – only to neglect to put any on. Presumably because Adam was too busy trying to come up with new and clever tennis analogies.
Which, come to think of it, leads me to this. Here’s what the MKR Facebook page posted for Will and Steve:
Seems legit, right?
But now, check out what they posted for Carol and Adam:
Really, MKR? ‘Tennis Ace’? Was ‘Wanker’ copyright? And what about Carol? Ok, sure, she’s a Personal Trainer and we all know that their worth to society is up there with menstrual cups and Chris Brown, but surely she deserves at least a mention?
Ah fuck it, here’s one we prepared earlier:
No need to thank us, MKR, we’re here to serve.
(insert canned laughter)
Until tonight, lovers!