Bachelor Blake – Is Laurina Going to Blow?

17 Sep

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Well here we are and it’s another Wednesday afternoon where Rico, the Dog and I are counting down the wholesome seconds until our screens are once again bombarded with Bachelor-style debauchery because, according to the previews, Laurina is going to Lose Her Shit, causing Blake to Lose His Shit, which will no doubt be followed by Jess Rolling In His Shit, Sam saying ‘Fuckshit’, Lisa Standing Up For Shit, Louise Cooking Something Shit and Zoe Looking Like Shit.

Yes, we also love what we did there.

Anyhoo, if you missed the preview, here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Dirty Street Pie – The Sequel

Oh Blake – have you learned nothing from Jess?  When a woman tells you she wants intimacy you’re supposed to clutch your hands together in glee and throw out an extra layer of teeth – not say ‘Kill Me Now’ in eyeball-ese and then try and cover it up with your middle finger.  And if your punishment ends up just being Laurina taking a time-out from your latest fascinating monologue about your mother to grab something from her purse, you should be forever thankful that’s it’s just a breath mint and not the enormous bitch slap you so richly deserve.

I mean, the poor woman has only just returned from HOSPITAL and yes we know that it was probably because her plastic surgeon refuses to do house calls, but it could EASILY have been because that truckers’ trash dog you forced her to choke down didn’t like her sparkling white insides and decided to gnaw its way out.  So at the very least, doesn’t she deserve a horse and carriage ride or a steam train or a dress that we all know would look god-awful on Chantal?

Rico reckons I need to calm down because this could all just be another massive wind-up similar to the time Holly broke Blake’s heart (snigger), and Blake’s unfortunate eye trick might simply be because he got a shard of Laurina’s icy soul in it.

Whatever his reason, I’m convinced Laurina’s dash for the Listerine is nothing but the innocent act of a woman who doesn’t want the moniker Dirty Street Pie Breath to stick, and that if Blake doesn’t like it he might want to consider shelling out the extra cash for Nandos next time.

Bring on 7.30!

xo Flawless

 

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