Bachelor Blake Intruder Prequel – Approach With Extreme Caution

21 Aug


Well now here’s a super-fun question for you:

What’s the best way to help an ugly girl look potentially rootable? 

Is it:

A) Teach her to make the most of her face with clever make-up?

B) Show her how to enter a room with confidence?


C) Pack the room with six girls so ugly they make your beer goggles shatter on sight?

That’s right, Bachelor-lovers, the answer is C because check out what the producers coaxed out of the kennels from the nearest Biker club:  Intruders!


Rico reckons, though she may not show it in the previews, this must be the greatest day of Amber’s life, because since Anita and Katrina took the ferry ride back to maximum security, she’s clearly been the Bachelorette most likely to horrify even seasoned carnival workers with the sheer non-beauty of her face.

But this lot?  Oh, producers! Rico and I confess we didn’t dream you had this in you, but now we know we tip our hats and bow down to your depravity – particularly if it means Blake has to do kissy face with the shrivelled one – No! – the poor-man’s Holly – No! – Claire Danes’ robber’s dog brunette sibling!  Oh the choices are endless!

Do we dare to take another look?


Oh, sweet mother of middle-aged attack-goats!  Is this the End of Days?  Are these the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, plus a couple of well-worn groupies? Should we all be freezing like Sam Neil told us all in the hopes that this marauding pack of T-Rexes will go devour another village?

And just for fun, check out the mixed group:


See?  See?!  Sam’s skin looks positively glowing!  Zoe looks like a fresh, young filly of 50! And Amber, well, Amber looks like the kind of sweetheart you could wake up in bed next to who doesn’t make you wish for death, or the strength to chew through your own skull to get at the memories!

Happy days.

In fact, the only thing this picture doesn’t do is wipe out the image of Jess in her last Rose Ceremony outfit:


I mean, did Amber tell her to wear that?  Could she really have picked it herself?   Doesn’t she know that whole thing about inside beauty is utter trash when you stagger out looking like a midget who raided Giselle Bundchen’s wardrobe?  And would it have killed Osher to lend her one of his chicken fillets?

Anyhoo, we’ll be arming ourselves for tonight’s show with an extra four-litre cask and Rico reckons if things get hairy and we start to doubt that grace and beauty still exists, we can always change the channel and cross our fingers we don’t stumble across James Packer.

Or Carrie Bickmore.

Until tonight, lovers!

xo Flawless



9 Responses to “Bachelor Blake Intruder Prequel – Approach With Extreme Caution”

  1. makeuplovelu August 21, 2014 at 10:30 am #

    omg i love your blog your amazing! will you check out my blog please leave some feedback cause i only just started

    • flawlessvision August 21, 2014 at 10:55 am #

      If you can summarise my last post in three words, we’ll consider it.

  2. makeuplovelu August 21, 2014 at 11:14 am #

    i think this post gives a good opionin of this show you have quite a lot of interest in this show and the people on it you have a funny twist on it , yet youre serious and challenge the producers. its good dont get me wrong and im sure youre lovely person but the fact that you made me do this means i really dont want you to read my blog, but i wish you all the luck in the world and loads of success

    • flawlessvision August 21, 2014 at 11:22 am #

      You read our blog and you think I’m a lovely person? Bless xo

  3. tiff August 26, 2014 at 7:14 am #

    OK flawless – where’s the post for the latest episode? It was comedy gold, surely it would nearly write itself??? I’m waiting with baited breath for your take on the Amber dummy spit/tanty!

    • flawlessvision August 27, 2014 at 1:58 am #

      Darling Tiff, we are devastated to have disappointed you, but we’ve been inundated with messages from angry bachelorettes and the Dog, being our legal counsel, is working on a recommendation for how to respond with due snarkery xo

      • tiff August 28, 2014 at 2:16 am #

        the bachelorettes must be very busy then. I’m pretty sure yours in not the only snarky blog about them. however it is the funniest and the only one yet to use the word “cunt”, which I adore! well done and good luck Dog, I’m pretty sure the legal defence that will stand up in court is “don’t put yourself on national TV if you don’t want people to write witty, accurate descriptions of your behaviour”. xx

      • flawlessvision August 28, 2014 at 2:30 am #

        The Dog wants you to know he’s a legal ace – particular since he’s the only non-drunk in our house… xo


  1. Bachelor Blake and the Bachelorettes of FURY | FlawlessVision - August 27, 2014

    […] was, of course, all a careful ploy because as we pointed out in our last post the datecrashers weren’t exactly fresh off a Vogue spread and Rico reckons if there’s a […]

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