So here we are staring down the barrel of another Sudden Death, this time starring newly outed lesbians, Carly and Tresne, and not-so-newly-outed whores, Jessica and Bree.
Rico reckons tonight is the night Skinny Pete and Manu get to redeem themselves for choosing a polished knob over decent cooking, and providing new age Ellen and Portia don’t cook a three course meal of lentils served in a hemp bag, there’s every chance that’s what’s going to go down!
(Yes, that pun will be explored later.)
What I find interesting is that, despite Channel 7’s best efforts to make Chloe and Kelly seem about as likeable as a pair of prostitutes peddling crack at a Grade 3 school camp, Jessica with her crying and Bree with her face have managed to rise to the top of the slag heap to the point that talk around the water cooler has changed from Bree is a really good cook to Bree is a cunt.
And speaking of water cooler talk, what a busy day it was when Carly and Tresne launched themselves of the closet and declared that, no, they weren’t just flatmates and, yes, labia tastes like chicken.
Rico reckons he’s totally fine with the fact that he’ll never be able to sit down in front of an episode of Alias with Carly and Tresne without worrying that one or both of them is wanking. He also reckons he’s thrilled that the Surprise Lesbians didn’t turn out to be Paul and Blair, because even though we all know that Paul + Blair = hardcore anal sex, how awkward would it be to find out they were doing it with a strap-on?
Anyhoo, we’ll be approaching tonight with a prayer in our hearts and a giant bucket of port on each knee, because if either Pete or Manu show up wearing trousers that aren’t guarded by an angry Pit Bull (we mean the dog, not the rapper – or DO we?), you just know the cards are going to be stacked in Bree and Jessica’s favour – unless our lesbian friends are able to close their eyes and imagine it’s a clitoris (Pete) or a much smaller clitoris (Manu).
Come on girls, we know you can do it!