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Wanker of the Week: Ricki Lee’s No Makeup Selfie

22 Mar

Rickety Lee's No Make-Up Selfie

So for all my international readers (yes, all three of you) Ricki Lee Coulter is a girl who was on Australian Idol a few years ago, didn’t win, went on to join The Band That Australia Refuses To Mention

left it to launch a solo career, divorced her Beige Hornet of a husband, started rooting a personal trainer and, Voila!, turned into another coat hangerexic pop starlet (see: Arena, Tina).

Anyhoo, as you’d all be rather painfully aware, there’s a thing going around Facebook at the moment whereby stupid people are posting pictures of their au naturale faces because some uber doofus figured not enough people have heard of a little thing called Cancer and this might be the best way to break it to them.

For those of you following our FB page, (that’s right, lovers, we still haven’t cracked 200) you’d already know that this little fad has incited our scorn and summoned us out of our black mourning garb and back into the floral robes of righteous rage. And while this picture is not so much out of focus or taken with a camera whose lens was last inserted in a heavily lubed anus, it does, however, make us look at the Rickster, look at each other, and snap: Well, I guess this is us well and truly out of retirement!

You see, Ricki Lee, we know alllllllll about sucking: our blog sucks, Rico sometimes sucks port through a straw – and we suspect that, unlike your former husband, your new PT boyfriend just ADORES having an ex Young Diva (hell, YES! I just said it!) on blended forelock under the table cloth. And while we applaud your obvious talent for suction, we worry that if you pull your cheeks in any harder, they might just slip down your throat and force you to ingest some calories.

The framing is another subtle I Don’t Give a Fuck, because who wants to see anything as boring as a forehead or a hairline when we can be imagining ourselves slicing our fingers to fleshy giblets helping you put on a necklace.

Mind you, we should probably shut our bitter mouths because there’s no doubt veritable trillions of cancer patients gratefully clutching your photo and rejoicing at the bravado of a pretentious whore who can’t resist the opportunity to show that you don’t have to pay for chemo in order to reap the weight loss benefits.

Poorly, poorly played, bitch.

xo Flawless

6 Responses to “Wanker of the Week: Ricki Lee’s No Makeup Selfie”

  1. bbaugoss March 23, 2014 at 12:40 am #

    Reblogged this on LATEST GOSS & Entertainment News and commented:
    My Favourite Blogger Story Of The Week! – FLAWLESSVISSION “Wanker of the Week: Ricki Lee’s No Makeup Selfie! LOLOL

    • flawlessvision March 23, 2014 at 1:15 am #

      Thanks for the shout-out, but the link doesn’t seem to work. Could this be Coultertage?

      • bbaugoss March 23, 2014 at 2:39 am #

        My pleasure! I noticed that, I might put it up on my site and put a link to your Post : ) http://www.LatestGoss.com

  2. Tom April 8, 2014 at 7:36 am #

    Love to be a part of this forum, ( need an outlet) hav’nt made my mind up about you yet,you might be a wanker for all I know. Who are you? What do you do? Are you going to be any use to us at all after the bomb drops? What can you do? ( apart from take the piss) don’t get me wrong, I’m not being condescending, I’m also a ” piss taker” It’s just that I’ve never heard of you!!. Please don’t take this the wrong way!!
    I think I’ve found a soulmate,!

    • flawlessvision April 8, 2014 at 7:42 am #

      Oh we’re absolute wankers. And as for never hearing of us: you have now and that’s all that matters. Rico reckons we are like fine wine: delicious until you realise you picked up the sauce bottle by mistake and everyone in the restaurant is looking at you funny.

      One thing you should know about us is that if we didn’t take things the wrong way we may as well be Aunt Clare writing a blog about her hedge clippings.

      Viva le snark!

      xo Flawless

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Biggest Loser Finale 2014 – The Flawlessvision Awards | FlawlessVision - April 14, 2014

    […] As you lovers would be aware, Rico and I adored Cameron from the start. The combination of tight ginger curls, dramatic turf dives and telling Shanny to keep his orange beak out of it had us at HELL, YES! And so, we really shouldn’t be surprised that he watched the US BL finale, took in Rachel Frederickson’s minimalist physique and snapped ‘Those bitches ain’t seen NOTHIN’ yet!’ before embarking on what can only have been the Ricki Lee Coulter Plan. […]

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