Following his Christmas adoption of a seven week-old Bulldog puppy, Justin Bieber has startled fans by showing off the latest addition to the Bieber menagerie on social media.
‘Meet Chokey, yo!’ the nineteen year-old tweeted, after rumours persisted that the puppy, named Karma, was not the end of Bieber’s live-trade spending spree.
According to the Biebster, Chokey is ‘some sort of awesome lizard’ and that the two bonded instantly after an affectionate embrace that lasted the better part of two days.
‘He loves me, bitches!’ the wiener-sized performer crowed when Chokey grew bored with impregnating his oesophagus, ignoring the outcry of jealous Beliebers who have only just come to terms with the fact that Bieber’s tongue was probably not the only thing that went into Selena’s mouth.
Sources suggest that, unlike Karma, who was purchased from a local pet store, Chokey was an anonymous gift hand delivered and left on his doorstep wrapped in one of Bieber’s own tour T-shirts. Like Karma, however, Bieber’s newest bed-warmer is also fan-named, with ‘Chokey’ being a cute derivative of the clear winner in the Twitter name poll: ‘Choke and DIE you hamster murdering little prick’.
Representatives of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), who have made no secret of their past disapproval of Bieber’s habit of shelling out money for an animal and then forgetting which one of his Porches he locked it into, have made no objection to this latest acquisition and, in fact, were among the first to offer the Beauty and a Beat singer their heartfelt congratulations.
‘We wish Mr Bieber all the best and look forward to enjoying his
screams of agony next album.’