From the STOP ALREADY! Files: John Mayer and Katy Perry’s New Music Video

18 Dec

You know, here at Flawlessvision we’ve lain pretty low when it comes to ragging on Katy Perry. We kinda took it on the chin when she released Roar because even though it was a reanimated turd of a song, we realised she had recently had her heart broken and was entitled to release her emotions by way of horribly written pop.

Then came Dark Horse and, despite the obvious occasion for piss-taking, we held firm because Russell Brand had recently come clean about how he yawned so hard during sex he put his back out and we just felt Katy was entitled to convince us, through song, that she was actually SEXUAL FUCKING NAPALM in the sack, thankyouverymuch!

Speaking of sexual napalm, we also stayed away from her rather hasty entanglement with John Mayer because, I mean, he’s JOHN MAYER and we figured as soon as they split (which would be soon) she’d be bleach-rafting enough for all of us and so any ribbing on our part would be like Muhammad Ali punching George Foreman on the way down and, therefore, TOTALLY unnecessary.

But then of course she had to release the above music video and, lovers, enough is ENOUGH!

Rico reckons the worst part is not that it’s like the Brady version of Bound 2, but that it’s clearly designed as one big long ahaaahahahahahahahahahaha! to Russell Brand and since when did she miss the memo that stated rather clearly that Russell Brand left all his fucks in his other pants?

Personally I think the whole video is just another attempt to dispute the notion that she’s deader in the sack than a refried bean sandwich and that the whole bull riding motif is supposed to showcase her as a totes spontaneous and adventurous rooter.

Rico reckons if she really wanted to show off her wild side she should never have given that interview about them doing crosswords in bed after only two months of dating and what’s the bet John-boy is doodling ‘wonderwhatjessicaisdoingnow’ in the margins next to little love hearts containing his initials.

Anyhoo, aside from the bull-riding, the mutual petting and Katy Perry giving who’s-a-dead-root-now-cunt! face to the cameras, the bit that forced about two litres of port to make a break for Rico’s throat is at about the 2:43 mark and involves John Mayer spraying multi-coloured confetti-cum all over Katy’s back and the bull’s face.

Personally I think this is all going to backfire on poor Katy – and not just because John Mayer is about as capable of commitment as say, Russell Brand – but because it’s only a matter of time before Russell himself pulls up a chair and laughs so hard he pees into his leather trousers and puts his back out all over again.

xo Flawless


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