Ok, so when I typed ‘Jade and Ed kissing’ into Google Images (yes, I typed that in and, no, I won’t forgive myself) the above sexual napalm is what came up.
That’s right folks, out in Pennsylvania farm country there’s a girl called Jade and a sheep called Ed who love each other so hard the only thing that can stop their daily lip-locking is a prize ribbon and some cold, hard cash in the overalls pocket of Jade’s True Love-hating daddy.
According to Lancaster Online:
Ever since Jade Zimmerman started raising Ed — her Southdown sheep — she’s been receiving daily kisses from him.
The 9-year-old fourth-grader at Adamstown Elementary School said she’ll feel a little sad when Ed is sold at Tuesday’s junior market lamb sale, but she’s learned valuable lessons at her first state Farm Show, such as hard work and poise under pressure.
Rico reckons it’s totes interesting that Ed the sheep, just like Ed the BB famewhore, is also happy to be sold for a fistful of dollars. He also thinks it’s convenient that the lessons 9-year-old Jade took away from her Ed experience were all about poise and hard work and that maybe Ed the sheep was a standoffish little cunt at the beginning of their relationship too!
Whatever the case, this picture of little Jade kissing woolly Ed is waaaaay hotter than whatever the hell we witnessed from their BB counterparts in the hamster wheel on last night’s show. Rico reckons it was the most awkward thing he’s seen since that time he accidentally walked into the female toilets at Coles and found Curtis Stone with his dick in the tampon disposal facility, and that he was most concerned by the way Jade’s tongue got stood-up by Ed’s and had to go scurrying back into her mouth.
Tragic and perverted and ultimately unfaithful though it was, I miss the sexual tension between Tully and Drew and, even more so, Matty and Caleb, because there was nothing more exciting than not knowing when a random fat might poke out of somebody’s trousers and start back chatting Sonia Kruger.