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Big Brother 2013 Housemate Sneak Peak: Stanford! – er – Ben

26 Jul

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And so, in the tradition of all great Big Brother houses, and because Big Brother wants to remind us there’s nothing at all wrong with a man who enjoys another man’s genitals – here’s Stanny!

Oh ok, so it’s not ACTUALLY Stanford Blatch, but sweet mother of adorable dorkasexuals he’s close! Not only is he camper than a Brokeback boys’ night, but he’s adorably bald, enjoys talking with his hands and is the biggest fan of Bert Newton since Rachel Taylor BEFORE she was introduced to his punchy fucker offspring.

Ooh! Speaking of Matty Newton, perhaps young Stanny is his latest way to get back into Australia’s good books. I mean, he seems like such a sweet, amiable young chap and if he’s in Matty’s corner who knows how he might be able to grease the wheels of the ever-fickle BB audience!

Rico reckons I’m kidding myself and that Smasher Newton has more chance of being re-embraced by Australia than his fists have of staying off his next girlfriend’s face – and besides, Ben isn’t Stanford Blatch, he’s The Turtle and The Turtle had stinky breath and all the persuasive prowess of a bath turd with an attitude problem.

But whichever he is, he seems like a peach and that can only mean we’re now due to meet completecuntface – because what BB house would be complete without one and I for one can’t survive X amount of shows without at least one housemate with a head full of poorly-thought out views and a whole ass to blow them out of.

xo Flawless

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