And this is what came up on Google Images for Little K! How adorably appropriate!
Anyhoo, they say good things come in threes and, Sweet Mother, I might just be a believer because look what just landed in my inbox via the creature who may or may not be the real Hamber!
BTW just spoke to my best friend kirsten she says the following ;D
As per request little K herself is responding to your ingenious blog.
Someone told me that I should be offended by your commentary but I find it hard to be offended and such brilliant writing. You have my whole family including mum and her head poodle in stitches. I look forward to your blog each week!
Would hate to disappoint and not be the only one of your three faves to not reply.
Thanks for the laughs,
Now, aside from the obvious grammatical issues, in addition to the somewhat sinister reference to ‘someone’, surely this is proof that when you stretch out a gentle hand, there’s no end of little piglets snuffling and grunting to check if there’s any food in it.
Rico, unfortunately, has once again cast shade on my joy by suggesting that Little K is about as likely to enjoy our rantings as Hamber is to receive a Covergirl contract and a string of mentally sound male admirers. Naturally I protested but then he reminded me of the time we made fun of Little K in her Victoria’s Secret and, I must confess, it does seem a bit far-fetched.
Anyhoo, respond we did and here it is:
Dearest Little K
Rico and I are over the moon to hear from you because – let’s face it – our Circle of Fuckery would have been incomplete without your message. We were, however, concerned about your reference to a mysterious ‘someone’ and that this same ‘someone’ advised that you should be reading our recaps with a clutched rosary and thereafter sobbing into your horny boyfriend’s T-shirt.
Without knowing this ‘someone’ – but willing to bet our life savings (change from Rico’s latest LiquorLand purchase) that her name starts with an H and that she lives for the scent of freshly stabbed back – we think it is commendable that you have listened to multiple sources and weighed all advice equally before coming to the natural conclusion that Hamber is a whore.
Not that being a whore is a bad thing – Rico is married to a whore and still enjoys a relatively full life of perpetual drunkenness and panicking every time he forgets to put the toilet seat down.
Anyhoo, we think it is important to tell you how much joy you and your mother have brought to our couch. I have my own mother-issues but nothing casts a golden glow over my own behaviour than watching you promise to deliver a foot-sized payload to your mother’s anal passage on national television.
Rico also wanted me to alert you to the fact that the FB-profile-claiming-to-be-Hamber is referring to you as her ‘best friend’. I told him that you may have a mouth like the bottom of a sanitary disposal unit, but you aren’t a fool – but he insists we draw your attention to it because, if anything is going to damage your post-reality TV sponsorship deals it’s the equivalent of stepping on a used condom and not immediately incinerating your shoes.
Flawless and Rico xo
And now back to the vital business of laying snark on last night’s weigh-in episode!